I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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