So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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