Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize