**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
