I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
