I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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