people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
