im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
