i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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