Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
