i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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