i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can you bring me the toilet please
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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