i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
