I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
