I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
