I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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