We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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