Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
