after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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