i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
