I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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