My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
