did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
