Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
