This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
