sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
