Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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