maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
