She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
