Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
