Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
