yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
