hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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