You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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