you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
