you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
