Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
