Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
