I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
