oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
