Your face is a jimmy john
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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