She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
