how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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