I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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