he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
