you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
