I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize