my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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