Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
