Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
