i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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