If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
