Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
