I think i peed on brittanys purse
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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