You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize