i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
