Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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