we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
