I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
