I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
