I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
