shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
