Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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