I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
