A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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