And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
