You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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