1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
