I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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