Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
