so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
