he thought i was a dude.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
