I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
