Your face is a jimmy john
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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